my minds lost in a whirlpool

my mind is racing i saw a really close friend today and gave him a present for him and his boys in his unit and it scared me how much feeling i had that i so deeply cared for him and his well being i cant even put it in words how much i care but why do i care why does he make me feel like i should be doing good things all the time why does that make me smile to help someone out so much why is it like pulling out one of the bricks in my fortress and letting wind and sun into the room but in an way ive never really felt in a long time well its like defrosting my feelings and letting them drip slowly but that makes it hard cuz i actually have to feel and think about what im feeling and work through the feeling instead of locking it up but thats the only way to swim through the actual reality of what we call life its like swimming through the river that youve already been dumped out of the boat cuz you lost your balance but you cant even reach the top to breath and catch the boat to get back on track but its confusing as i keep swallowing water and get confused and loose my sight to the finish line