Rock Climbing Realizations

a beige rock climbing wall with different colored rocks.

I didn't realize,

How deep my self acceptance of my disability and limitations had become.

During my recent trip to france to visit family my aunt,cousin and I went to their indoor rock climbing gym. I could tell my aunts apprehension and i had some as well. For years i struggled being around others doing activities i physically couldnt do. I used to feel my limitation,my disability was being shoved in my face and i wanted to break through every limitation and prove i could live beyond my limitations. Going in to the rock climbing gym, we saw the elevator smack in the middle of the place,and i got no stares or concered looks by the staff. My aunt started climbing and watching her my brain analyzed her hand grip,and foot movements and was like you can't do this. But the feeling after the thought was what shocked me. The feeling of calm and acceptance,the feeling of your right you dont have the ability to do the activity. But this time the thought didnt linger and it honestly felt like a weight off my shoulders. I could watch my aunt and cousin use their brilliant minds and bodies in a way that brought them joy and i could feel their joy and enjoy seeing them in their element. There was no,damn i wish i could do that thought constantly running through my mind. It was freeing,finding and awknoledging my limitations and being fully okay with them,led to me being able to find the joy and have a great time with my aunt and cousin and put them at ease as well. I didnt feel the need to go to the corner and read. I could follow them around the accessible climbing gym and see their journey and joy. I didnt even realize till this point the acceptance that i had found in my limitations,and the freedom that had granted me. Pushing back on societies message to disabled people of if you push hard enough you can do and over come. No i cant rock climb,not safely and in an enjoyable manner,and that is ok. Because i dont need to be able to do every activity that my family does. I dont need to be able to find a way to do an activity that someone enjoys in order to find joy in it. I can find the calm in not always needing to "breakthrough" my disability . I can also have the thought,id really like to bring my friend here,im sure she would really enjoy it,and not feel twinges of jealousy or pain anymore of it being an activity that is just not the right one for my body. Heres to finding the joy in realizing you dont have to scale every mountain,they arent all obstacles in your path.

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22 Lessons in ‘22

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Boudoir, the Pool, and I