15 lessons learned in 15 years in Israel
1. It’s hard. The hard parts evolve but it is hard. I think this is probably the same in every country, it sometimes feels harder, I think because I had only a child's view of how things were in the US before I moved. There is an intensity here though, that even when I moved back to live in Florida for a year it didn't exist. There are just constant conflicting powers that always leave electricity in the air. My struggles also evolve and you run into different parts that are hard. You also gain different coping mechanisms and find different spots where the hardness breaks and get some air.
2. Sunday workdays feel like a week but you get a lot done. Sundays were one of the hardest changes that I had to get used to, as a student, Sundays were the worst, we would many times have exams on Sunday and the “weekend” of Friday and Shabbat were spent studying. Depending on the season either Fridays or Saturday nights were long but it never felt like a weekend as there was always stuff to do for Shabbat, and right as it ended you had to make your lunch, make sure your homework was done, and prep your schedule for Sunday classes. I didn’t realize though how used to it I got until I was living in Florida and I had a proper three-day weekend, and they felt so long, like Sundays were just being wasted, and for me didn't have enough structure. I do think there is a balance to be found, my Sundays this semester are the longest day of the week and it wipes me out for a lot of the week.
3. Travel, get to know the land, find the small gems to connect to where you live. I haven't done this enough. I’m saying this to myself and you. My family isn't a huge travel family for a variety of reasons, and the long weeks don’t help, along with the entire country pretty much going on break at the same time. But, it is super important and I do feel much more connected to parts of the country that I have managed to get to a few times. Traveling in a wheelchair is complicated sometimes more than others, some places are just not accessible ( I do want to share more about accessible travel here in Israel it's another pipeline idea.) The more you see the more you feel and connect to the place you call home, and for me, there is something about just being on the ground and seeing all the unique aspects of the country that helps you call the country home.
4. Learn Hebrew, speaking, reading, and writing. Immersing is best, and if you dont use it you lose it! (Haven't had anyone to speak to in Hebrew for the past year and a half and my recall speed has gone down exponentially). This is so impacted by where you move to, who your community becomes, and schooling. Living in Ramat Bet Shemesh did not help with learning and using Hebrew. I had a great Ulpan teacher who became my tutor till the end of high school. But my speaking skills only grew to a mostly functional level when I went to a completely Israeli high school and had to use the language daily. Then moving back to the states for 6 months where I didn't use much Hebrew didn't help my oral skills but I moved back and got back into it. The year in Florida had an impact but I had used Hebrew long enough where it went to the back of my mind but wasn't as forgotten. I honestly never did enough reading in Hebrew (even with my ulpan teacher and tutors’ best effort) Still today I struggle with reading books in Hebrew and dont even try. I've gotten to sometimes reading comic books and middle school level chapter books but not frequently enough to build skills. I can read the articles I need for university but it is not enjoyable.
5. Find the small things about daily life in Israel you enjoy and remind yourself of it when it gets hard. As someone who struggles daily with accessibility and issues with Israel. There are a few constants, firstly is accessible healthcare, while it has plenty of issues, I never worry about going to the doctor or hospital and then going bankrupt. Summer ice coffees are the best, and the warm weather practically year-round is much better for my joints. The pier in north Tel Aviv with the fresh salty air and crashing waves is one of my favorite places to just get away and recenter myself.
6. Nothing beats fresh onion shmeared lafahs from shuks and bakeries. Baked goods are incredible here, I am not good at a low-carb diet, and as a big onion bialy fan, and onions in general I was disappointed to find they aren't sold here. Until I found these onion lafahs. They are fluffier than regular lafahs and there are usually two types of onions shmeared on the top, one is red with lots of paprika I believe, just onions, salt, paprika, and maybe something else. The onions aren't fried, maybe just baked, and it's just oily doughy deliciousness. There is also an onion blend without paprika with poppy seeds that is quite delightful as well. They are perfection piping hot, but also travel well. You dont need anything with them, they are just perfection on their own.
7. Fight for your rights and needs, you will need to. Arguing here is accepted and needed. Each of your needs and rights will be different but Israel's mentality is quite army-like in that they don’t share information willy-nilly. Even if it seems like basic information about rights and services you have to search, ask nicely, and then usually get agitated to get the information and help you require. Honestly, people are surprised here especially in the medical and governmental offices if you aren't raising your voice slightly and getting agitated and arguing. Frankly, I have gotten more of what I needed when I do that than asking politely but depending on the situation it is worth trying the polite way first. Just don’t be scared to get up and fight for yourself, no one else will do it, and there is almost an expectation for you to do so.
8. Taxi drivers will ask way too personal questions and have advice for days, some of it is helpful. On the note of accessibility issues with buses and such and just my mental energy to do things, I take a lot of taxis, while there is a range of people's personalities most of them live up to the stereotype of being super chatty. One of the first questions is usually what's wrong with me and trying to understand why I use a wheelchair. Another favorite topic is religion, I've had some interesting conversations on that topic and while sometimes I just want to listen to a podcast or music, sometimes you leave with a different perspective on something or with unsolicited advice.
9. Community and finding your people is hard (for me) labels and unofficial labels run strong. Israel runs on almost self-made individual communities, based on religious levels, Zionism levels, and immigration. I have found it hard to fit in, but that might be just who I am as someone who intersects many communities. There are plenty of assumptions made based on dress and where you live. I also think that community here is based a lot on family and where they come from and generationally where do you fit into the Jewish puzzle and that is something I still struggle with today. I am finding more of my people in university but building a community of people with how the accessibility in Israel is and where I live at the moment has made it harder.
10. Fresh cottage cheese is boss and Israel's unsung hero. It was probably one of the first things that took the edge off of moving, lol. I think it was one of the first products in Israel that I fully recognized was incomparable to the American version. It’s fresh, creamy, perfectly textured and just can't be beat. On its own, on a cracker, fresh pita; alone with tomatoes or peppers. It's something quintessentially Israeli and can't be beaten in any other country.
11. Learn to celebrate and mourn with the country regardless of how removed you feel. I struggle to an extent to connect with the cycle of mourning and joy of the country as I don’t have a generational connection to the country, and I didn’t do army or national service. I also grew up in a community that was more insulated and didn’t connect to the country and the land in that way. It required me to learn and connect to the struggles and triumphs of the country from a different way, and while you might not break down or feel personally connected, there is a communal pain, grief, and happiness that you can choose to some extent to tap into in different amounts.
12. It’s not where you came from and will never be, embrace what Israel has to offer and leave your 3 ring binders and other "necessities" where you came from. This point connects with other points of finding ways to connect to Israel. I remember when we first moved like someone who has always loved school and office supplies I brought a ton of it from America. I proudly brought my three-ring binders, my colorful folders, and way too many types of pens and pencils to class. While on one hand, it was a way to have some level of comfort in this completely new world, playing into the aversion to using the notebooks that were requested by the teachers,(except for one class I gave in for as we had to glue things in)resisting the idea of fitting in with classmates and joining into society (regardless if it was only sixth grade) had a lasting impact. It took till 10th grade in a completely Israeli school did I not want to use my American binders and filler paper, I started replacing that with regular notebooks of A4 paper that everyone else was using. It felt like a big part of “putting down roots” while it seems small as a student most of your world is school and trying to keep one foot in another country holds you back from embracing life here. Now pens are still a struggle for a while I used some Israeli pens but with how expensive the good quality pens are (some individual pens are more expensive than a liter of gas) I have brought pens and highlighters back from America. This is the same with other daily tools, ones you can find here just use from here even if it's not what you had in America, just getting used to buying store brands here and not every imported product, you learn to find new gems even if sometimes you miss the old.
13. Structure and schedule are hard to come by living by the Jewish calendar you have to create it for yourself. This is such a me thing to struggle with but the more people I have talked to, the more I realize many people struggle with this and just don’t talk about it. While the weeks can seem long with the school and work week start on Sunday’s there are barely two full months without some kind of holiday that changes your school and workweek. And those dates change in the gregorian calendar every year, making it hard to feel like you aren't in a whirlwind constantly. The school years start and end on different dates and the breaks change each year. It forces you to create a strong internal structure to gain from the holidays and survive the changes.
14. There are many people who want to help, direct them to help you in the best way. They don’t always ask, they usually don’t. They have come up behind me and pushed my chair without asking, amongst many other ways people-strangers have tried to help. It is of course part of my disability complex but people trying to help me used to bother me a lot more. I learned that people were going to come up anyway, so direct them to help you in the best way. Also within people wanting to help, they are just more in your business here, its something I still struggle with but many people mean well and just want to connect. Learn to connect on your terms.
15. Find the parts of Israel that connect to your heart and soul and hold on, but let them evolve with the times. When I first moved here, I felt like I connected to nothing, this country was foreign and full of bags of milk and aggressive drivers. Within a few years the places were more Zionistic and religious I felt very connected to Hebron and the intensity of the place. High school was settlements on the west bank. Post high school I had another round of disillusionment and as I was rowing and spending most of my time in north Tel Aviv and the yarkon the pier nearby became my connection to the land. The ocean and the waves along with the salty air became my happy place and where I connected to the land. Till now that is my place in which I connect to the land but the dessert is growing on me as well.
It’s been a complicated journey these 15 years but somehow it’s been more good than bad. I started writing a guide about when I first moved, I think it's still in paper format my parents I started writing it from a place of pain and anger but maybe ill try again someday from a place of peace.